Totureing Sheep with Hotdogs
by Amaris Ethne
Summary: Re-posted. The Scoobie gang are reading fanfic about themselves that have some very interesting and desturbing parallels to real life. Part 1 in "Life's Stories" Series.


TORTUREING SHEEP WITH HOTDOGS  
  
The Scoobies were sitting around the living room of Willow and Spike's, reading fan fiction. Reading NC-17 fan fiction that revolved around them.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" Buffy screamed, throwing a story across the room, where it hit Spike in the face. She sat in her chair, silent now, a grossed-out look on her face, starring at Willow who was sitting on the floor in front of the couch where Spike sat. The peroxide-blond vamp picked up the fic, anxious to see what had made the Slayer, who was still unblinkingly starring at his woman, wig out. After reading for about five minutes, he erupted into fits of laughter. He was laughing so hard, actually, that he fell off the couch and right onto Willow's lap! While, of course, Buffy still starred at her.   
  
"Ouf! Spike, what is it?" The witch question, trying to shove her boyfriend off of her. Finally, Spike rolled off, sitting up beside Willow and pulling her close to him. Laughter still shook his body as he tried to explain what had been in the story.  
  
"Red, you have to read that one!! You, me, Slayer and Peaches up there, all chained together, hanging upside down and shagging!!" And, with that, he fell into more fits of laughter. Willow frowned up at him.  
  
"Spike, that's not funny. That's just nasty," She answered. But he shook his head, waving the story at her.  
  
"Not when you and Buffy started at it! You told her that a monkey was better than her!" Again, Willow frowned. Was that why the Slayer was giving her a weird look? She decided she'd better ask. But Spike just shook his head.  
  
"Naww, that's because you shoved a hotdog up her and got it stuck....along with your tongue!" And, with that, Spike fell back to the floor in fits of laughter. Angel, too had begun to laugh as the image began to form in his mind. Willow frowned at her boyfriend.   
  
"That's just...just...just really funny. In a gross sexual kind of way..." her sentence trailed off as she, too began to laugh. Soon all of the Scooby gang, including Giles, was laughing. Except, of course, Buffy who seemed to be in a kind of trance and unable to keep her eyes of Willow.   
  
Soon the gang stopped laughing and returned to reading their stories. It wasn't long until Giles broke the silence.  
  
"Oh, my. Oh, dear me. How is that even possible?" He mumbled under his breath. Willow had to stifle a laugh at the thought of the Watcher reading smut. And enjoying it, it seemed.  
  
"How is what possible?" Xander asked. Giles handed him the story, pointing at the spot. Xander read for a moment, his eyes growing wider and wider with every word until he dropped the fic in his lap.  
  
"I don't think that can be done," was his answer. Spike frowned at him.  
  
"Trust me, anything can be done. What is it?" And so, Xander leaned forward, whispering in the Vampire's ear.   
  
"Well," Spike answered when Xander had finished, " I guess you could try that position...but you wouldn't bloody well be able to walk for a week!" Giles, Xander and Spike all burst into laughter while Angel, Willow, Cordelia and Anya all decided that they definitely did not want to know. Next, it was Cordy's turn to get wigged out by a fic.  
  
"Oh my God. Angle, Spike, take off your pants," she demanded out of the blue. The two vamps just looked at her, confused.   
  
"Do what?"   
  
"What the bloody hell for?"   
  
Cordelia raised the story, waving it at the two of them.   
  
"Just do it." Willow was shocked, but a little intrigued. She had just read the story that Cordy was holding and, well, she was a bit curious. Sure, she had seen Spike's but...not Angel's. And if the fic were right...than, well, she'd be frightened. The two Vamps looked at each other in horror. They did not want to take off their pants. Spike glanced back at Willow, sure that she'd object. But she looked interested!   
  
"Wench." Spike muttered as he undid his pants and let them fall to the floor.  
  
"You said it." Angel agreed as he did the same. A gasp came from the two girls. So, the story was wrong...the Sire and his Childe did not have the same...well, you know. As a matter of fact, the childe's was a great deal bigger!   
  
"Okay, thank you," Cordy said, turning back to the story she was reading. Angel and Spike glanced at each other, confused, than pulled up their pants. Angel returned to his seat on the couch while Spike sank back to the floor besides Willow. Soon, they were all back to reading.  
  
"Oh, sweet Jesus! SPIKE!" Anya suddenly yelled. Spike glanced up, to see Anya starring at him, obviously pissed.  
  
"What?" he asked innocently.  
  
"The rack? You put Willow on THE RACK? You kinky little bastard!" she yelled.  
  
"Yeah, so...oh, I mean, I did not!" The vamp said, getting a sharp jab in the ribs from Willow's elbow. Angel stared at the red head in shock. How could that innocent, sweet little girl...no, he didn't want to know what things Spike had done to her. He glanced at his childe, who gave him an evil little smirk. Oh, God. He had done that to her.   
  
"Get that nasty thought out of your head, Peaches. I know what you did to Cordy over there," Spike answered. Angel and Cordelia gasped. Willow turned quickly to look at Spike, curiosity evident.   
  
"Oh, yeah, Poofster. I know all about that little 'Dungeon of Pleasure' you've got in your basement...you've done much worse than the rack. Much worse." Cordelia's face turned a deep red, as would have Angel's if it could. Willow's mouth fell open, as Spike looked at her and nodded.   
  
" You can get in some pretty good positions using chains, eh Peaches?" Spike taunted. Angel said nothing.   
  
" Oh, there's lots of great positions that you can get from chains! Upside down, to the side, vertical, diagonal...and it's great too if you put them around your torso so you're just hanging there..." Anya said in the silence. All the gang (except the entranced Buffy) stared at her in shock.  
  
"Not that I'd know, of course. Right, Xander?" she babbled. Xander's face just turned deep red, as he nodded his agreement with her.   
  
"Right, then." Spike mumbled, turning back to his reading. After some time he began to chuckle. Willow glanced over his shoulder, seeing what he was reading.   
  
"Oh...my...GOD! GILES??? GILES? OH,OH SWEET JESUS NO!" She screamed, turning away from the offensive fic quickly.   
  
"Oh, god. The images. THE IMAGES! Someone get them out!" she screamed, clutching her head. Giles was starring at her, wondering what the hell her problem was. Spike decided to fill him in.  
  
"Giles...you shouldn't do that to poor defenceless sheep," he chided, wagging a finger in his face. Giles frowned for a moment, not understanding.   
  
"Oh, God." He said simply as realisation set in. Spike nodded, and evil smirk on his face as Giles grabbed the fic from his hands.  
  
"How the bloody hell did they know about that?"  
  
"WHAT!?" Xander yelled. Spike's mouth dropped open. Giles, realising what he had said blushed and began to babble.  
  
"I mean...I would never! Sheep? Come on. I'm, I'm, I'm allergic to wool!"   
  
"Oh, come off it, Whelp. You shagged a flock of sheep!" Spike retorted. Willow screamed again and started banging her head against the floor, trying to get the image of Giles and a bunch of sheep out of his head.  
  
"My God. We could write our own fan fiction, what with the rack, and the sheep, and the dungeon..." Anya said as the clock struck midnight.   
  
"Don't forget the chains!" Cordy mentioned.   
  
"Well, then. It's late. I think it's time to end this madness. Forever." Giles said, rising. The others rose too, leaving Buffy sitting in her chair, starring ahead of her, her mind trying to come to terms with the story she had just read. One thing was for sure...she'd never eat a hotdog again.  
  
"Oh, Anya?" Giles called, getting into his car. The ex-Demon turned to him.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Could I please have the chains that you borrowed back?"   
  
"Sure, I'll bring them by tomorrow."   
  
In the house, Spike sat on the floor beside Willow, pulling her against him as she continued to babble like a baby about   
  
'the images' and 'those poor, poor sheep.' Finally, Spike got her to settle down, and the two headed into the bedroom. In the corner was a large wooden rack with a black sheet draped over it. Spike glanced at it, then back to Willow.  
  
"Should we?" he asked, gesturing to it. Willow thought for a moment before shaking her head.  
  
"Nah...let's try that position Xander told you about."  
  
" I won't be able to walk for a week, Red!" Spike objected. Willow leaned close to him, her voice low and sensual.  
  
"You won't need to."  
  
In the large green chair, Buffy finally drifted off to sleep only to spend the entire night having nightmares of chains, tongues and hotdogs.   
  
The next morning when Giles went to get into his car he spied a bumper sticker on it, which read:  
  
'I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. The sheep are lying.'  
  
THE END...or is it? There are a lot of fan fic sights out there...most adult! Hehehehehe!!! 


End file.
